Spartan Daily

My struggle with my inner self

Anthony Nguyen is a Spartan Daily staff writer

As a child, I thought that my mental disorder wasn't that bad. But now I have a hard time coping with the problem that I'll have for the rest of my life.  I couldn't run like the regular people that I see every day. People looked at me with a huge question mark on their faces.

I have cerebral palsy, which is a group of disorders that can involve brain and nervous system functions, such as movement, learning, hearing, seeing and thinking.

I can succeed if I can believe in myself, there's no challenge that will stop me.

Here is my story:

When I was little, a babysitter was looking after me when my mom went to work. But that day I got really ill and this babysitter took me to the hospital and she called my parents to tell them that I had a high fever around 115 degrees.

Back then, I used to have to sit in a wheelchair before I started to walk. It took me a lot of courage to stand up and start walking without any aids. I used to have leg braces and a walker to help my balance.

I also had a physical therapist that helped me with my arm strength and leg strength. I stopped going to physical therapy when I graduated middle school.

Even though my handwriting and speech was not up to par with everybody in my elementary school, I used to have speech lessons to help me work on my speech and my ch, sh, t and th sounds. I also had an one-on-one aide who followed me around and took notes for me.

That aide followed me until I  finished high school and it was nice to have their support  over these years. When I went to a community college, I felt really weird because I  had to do all the work alone and no one would guide me like in elementary school.

I  bombed my entrance exam for entrance into English 1A and Math 114. I  worked my butt off in community college. It has been an absolute struggle for me to maintain good grades, work on personal goals for myself and hang out with family.

I  have gone to Disability Support Services at De Anza College for support in testing accommodation and note-taking. Without them, I surely would have failed all my classes.

I have to retake two classes because I have failed them because of my study habits back then. But it took me five years to transfer to SJSU. Back then I never developed any good study habits because I was in special education — and I did study.

Who knows?

Now, If I study hard, it might take me four years to get out of college, while trying not to mess around like I did before.

Looking back, I was really depressed because my life was taking a toll on me due to thoughts that I was worthless coming from my head.

I was so disappointed with myself when I saw my friends transfer to other schools before me. I also usually took three classes per quarter. I can say my life was a struggle and  I am still adapting to it.

I was free from special education classes and someone looking out for me. Now I am at SJSU and asking for help and support from its Disability Resource Center.

I still have the problem that I don’t write my own notes and need to ask the professor to ask my fellow classmates to help take notes for me.

So this is my own personal struggle that I have to dealt with for so many years. I wasn't so sure that I  could share it with other students. Don’t be sorry for me. I am trying hard to get by in life. Now I can succeed in life if I can believe in myself.