Women aren't defined by sex lives

by Mar 3, 2013 2:42 pm Tags: , ,

Rochelle Beckel is a Spartan Daily staff writer.

Rochelle Beckel is a Spartan Daily staff writer.

“I swear, girls these days. Always getting wasted and sleeping around, no self-respect. Whatever happened to classy women?”

“Are there no girls left out there who know how to have some class?”

“Why do girls think nobody is going to know about them sleeping around, when they sleep around with the shittiest guys that tell everyone. Just because you're in college, doesn't mean you have to be a complete slut."

It seems like everyday I see a statement like this posted somewhere: a status on Facebook, a comment on a picture online, or, in the case of the last one, on the SJSU Confessions page.

People are constantly talking down to girls who have a lot of sex and like to get drunk with their friends. The more I read this constant judgment from one total stranger to another, the more frustrated I feel.

When are people going to realize that just because a girl likes to have sex with multiple guys and get wasted on weekends doesn't mean she has no class or self-respect?

As long as she’s single, is having sex with single people and being safe about her sexual activity, what harm is she causing anyone by fulfilling her sexual desires?

In all fairness, I used to be pretty close-minded about this too. In middle school and most of high school, I assumed that any girl who slept around and got wasted regularly was not someone I’d want to be friends with.

I've always been pretty innocent when it comes to the type of social activity you see high school students take part in on any show airing on the CW.

You know, like Marissa Cooper blacking out in Tijuana, Blair Waldorf losing her virginity to Chuck Bass in the back of a limo or Brooke Davis and Nathan Scott making a sex tape.

I was extremely naive during my early teenage years, assuming that any girl who had meaningless sex, smoked weed or got drunk at that age wasn't someone worth getting to know because I already knew everything there was to know about her.

One of the best things to happen to me once I started going to SJSU was becoming much more open-minded.

I’d always thought of myself as a pretty accepting person before that point; I had no issues with people of any certain race, sexual identity or sexual orientation.

But I’d never really realized how judgmental I was of girls.

Soon after I began my enrollment at SJSU, I met several girls who I bonded with very quickly and thought were cool, interesting, fun and genuinely good people.

What I also realized very quickly was that almost none of them were virgins and all of them had gotten drunk before.

As a 17-year-old just out of high school, I quickly realized that college was a completely different environment and that it wasn't just the high school students on the CW who liked to party and have the occasional one night stand.

It didn't take long at all for me to come to expect drinking habits and booming sex lives to be a part of the people I met in college.

Did it cause me to think any less of them? A little bit at first, but eventually I came to realize there was so much more to these people than that.

Sure, they liked to get wasted or high or both at the same time, and maybe they liked to have casual sex with guys who also liked to sleep around.

As long as they were protecting themselves and knew they were comfortable enough with themselves to have sex so often, I was fine with it.

I have friends who do all of these things and more, and it kills me that so many people blatantly label girls like them as sluts with no class and no principles.

We live in a world of constant judgment by complete strangers who don’t know the first real thing about us.

How is a young adult deciding that she wants to engage in sexual activity with several partners at all relevant to the quality of her character?

As long as she knows herself well enough to know that she can emotionally handle having sex with a variety of people and she is using some form of protection, how is she lacking self-respect?

She could be the most honest, kind, intelligent, hilarious, selfless person in the world, and someone is going to think little of her just because she likes to get some action with single guys?

I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with being a virgin or having sex with only one person.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to something so personal: whatever you are comfortable with is what the right thing is to do.

What I find particularly interesting about this is the fact that it is always girls who are being trash talked for sleeping around.

When’s the last time a guy gave a guy a hard time for having one night stands every weekend?

He wouldn't, because he’d be too busy handing him the stud trophy.

A girl who experiments, however, is automatically labeled a slut with no self-respect and no class.

When I see a girl who is confident and comfortable in herself, her body, and her sexual limitations, whether they be to not have sex until marriage or to have sex within half an hour of meeting someone, that is a girl who I view as classy and respectful of herself.

Again, the key is for girls to make sure they are respecting their bodies by always using protection, not tolerating sexual abuse and making sure everyone involved is single.

It takes a lot of guts for a girl in our society to confidently sleep around and have meaningless sex.

Knowing that people are going to talk trash about you behind your back and look at you with judgment every time they pass you by without letting it tarnish your self-esteem or self-image requires a serious level of confidence and self-respect.

A girl who can pull off that kind of self-assuredness is my definition of a girl with class.

17 thoughts on “Women aren't defined by sex lives


  1. Warning: include_once(mod/pingpack.php) [function.include-once]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/spartandaily/webapps/spartandaily/wp-content/themes/sparta/functions.php on line 124

    Warning: include_once() [function.include]: Failed opening 'mod/pingpack.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/spartandaily/webapps/spartandaily/wp-content/themes/sparta/functions.php on line 124

    Warning: include_once(mod/pingpack.php) [function.include-once]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/spartandaily/webapps/spartandaily/wp-content/themes/sparta/functions.php on line 124

    Warning: include_once() [function.include]: Failed opening 'mod/pingpack.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/spartandaily/webapps/spartandaily/wp-content/themes/sparta/functions.php on line 124

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>